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A Grieving Traveler

I sat in a train again Without you... I sat with pain again Without you.. I wish you were there I wish to get back your stare I wish to share some words How I wished to look out of the window the same way as yesterday.. This journey that I start again Without you... This journey that I pause more often Without you... As there is no one to put a hand on My shoulder of disdain.. As there is no one to just make a  Harmless gesture of being insane.. How I wished to sip that cup of tea with a relentless life beyond the sea waiting to be free.. *Dedicated to my mom as she shares her feeling of loneliness after my dad passed away last year. They both used to love traveling together... * picture courtesy the author while she captures this on her train ride to  Carlisle, PA.
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Why Can't I

I am scared of dying alone..
I am scared of crying to my very bone.
I am scared of hands which detach..
I am.scared of any familiar touch.
I am scared of lying asleep with no one
Bothering to wake me up.
I am scared of going on with no one
Asking me to stay over.
I am scared of trying harder and then
Running into a dead end.
I am scared of closing eyes and waking
Up to a room full of strangers.
I am scared of tears flowing through cheeks which are unstoppable.
I am scared of words that means nothing.
I am scared of promises that always fall out.
I am scared of happiness which is short lived.
I am scared of innocence not so meaningful anymore.
I am scared of hidden stories beneath deep eyes.
I am scared of lies covered under pretty faces.
I am scared of politely killing someone.
I am scared of kindness withholding wrath.
I am scared of anger struggling to pounce on.
I am scared of smiles that I will never again encounter.
I am scared of lives just slipping away from my finger tips.
Sweaty hands dampening grip..
Why can’t I save anyone by the end of this trip.
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