A Gloomy Heart

A long tiring day at school ......just got over with my last class for the day and was all set to go home.
Nowadays somehow i don't feel that urge and excitement to go back home,for me its just another empty house with the furniture's as lonely as me. 
Yes , i am quite familiar with the fact that when kids grow up they need to explore the outside world and dive into their future and in the process eventually go quite a long way from me....but sometimes the helplessness inside me provokes me to just run after them,catch hold of them tightly, bring them back and  transform them into the same innocent tender babies who used to cuddle in my lap,who will smile at me,play with me,hold me tight ,but never let go of me....not even for the tiniest moment in their life.


Its been a year now,since i last met my elder son and my daughter.They keep popping into my thoughts and infringing my dreams now.I know its only a year but it feels like a decade to me.There was a time they used to just hop around ,laughing,fighting,eating,teasing each other,just adjacent to me and whenever my eyes would search them they were never that far.I feel now its time that i should probably try to catch a glimpse of any one of them but the distance and time is killing me....


With these weird thoughts , i started to pack and leave for the day.Reached home in about 15 minutes.The sight of our mansion's name just at the main entrance ,made my eyes go wet...as the name had both my son and daughter's names in it.Avoided looking at it once more and rushed home dumping the 2 wheeler in the garage.


Entering the house ,i found in the rightmost corner inside the glass cupboard all the memorable clicks of my 2 precious gems along with me or their dad or four of us together .Passing through the memory lane at my door step somehow i couldn't get my eyes off a picture of my good looking elder son,i was admiring it for quite some time and was taken aback as i felt a tall shadow on that picture ,the figurine was identical to my son who was standing right behind me and is planning to give me a real tight hug. 

My heart started pounding faster .I was surprised but at the same time thrilled ,that my son has finally arrived to meet his Maaa...
But as reality shatters all myths existing in this world ,the same way my imagination or i would rather say hallucination got shattered the moment i took one step back.The shadow was delusional and was none other than my own self, who was staring at the picture so hard that i guess even the picture just made it come alive for a snap of a time to comfort my delusional mind.


A drop just trickled down my cheeks ,i sat down with a huge sigh "Why such an hour comes in life when you become so lonely without your kids ,that even a virtual hug from them means more than heaven to you, you smile letting your cheeks go red ,but when they aren't around ,you feel disheartened ,close your gloomy eyes every time just to let them enter your thoughts and feel the innocence in you instead."


I think this is what is called growing fonder of the ones who are so close to you that you can't believe when one fine day they set off to such a far far land and even if your eyes try to reach them your hands can't hold them anymore.....


Hope you liked this piece also don't forget to read about Our Epitome Of Strength

Comments

Anonymous said…
i read this post ....and it made me feel so sad....for all the mothers who are feeling lonely..... but this feeling of your greatness is much more.... of beauty of mother's unconditioned love... those kids are so happy to have a mother like you...
from Katya,20 years old, russia

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