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A Grieving Traveler

I sat in a train again Without you... I sat with pain again Without you.. I wish you were there I wish to get back your stare I wish to share some words How I wished to look out of the window the same way as yesterday.. This journey that I start again Without you... This journey that I pause more often Without you... As there is no one to put a hand on My shoulder of disdain.. As there is no one to just make a  Harmless gesture of being insane.. How I wished to sip that cup of tea with a relentless life beyond the sea waiting to be free.. *Dedicated to my mom as she shares her feeling of loneliness after my dad passed away last year. They both used to love traveling together... * picture courtesy the author while she captures this on her train ride to  Carlisle, PA.

Will You Love Me The Same?

If I told you I am older
Will you love me the same way
If I told you I am a cold person
Will you love me the same way
If I told you all that I haven't told anyone yet
Will you love me the same way
If I told you I get depressed pretty often
Will you hold me the same way
If I told you I cannot impress anyone everyday
Will you spend time with me the same way
If I told you I can be pretty challenging 
If I told you I am aging and there are wrinkles under my skin that I hide with makeup
If I told you I am not adjusting and don't talk to
anyone if I don't have to
If I told you I don't dress up on days and eat cereals from the box in a messy way
Will you be with me the same way
Are you still listening or you have run away
If I told you I don't forget easy
And can stalk you for days making you feel uneasy
If I told you I can be dangerously hunting insects
And can jump in muddy water for hours
If I told you I am not afraid of blood
And I can fight until I hear the sound go thud
Will you still sit with me watching sunset in the park
Hold hands while mosquitoes fly around and overlook the dark
If I told you I don't cry
I keep trying not to but if I do I do end up lying that I am not
If I told you I don't have a lot of friends but when pushed to a crowd I pretend I am having fun
If I told you dark stories of memories that I have lived
Will you still respect that my feelings can be genuine
If I told you I can stick to a cave and have conversations by the grave
Will you be bothered by my interests and just leave the premises
If I told you that I don't want to be seen
If I told you that life is pretty when you are hidden
Will you still come hide with me or want me to make a continuous effort to blend in 
If I toldyou, looks like you are gone
I didn't plan on telling you everything that I just admitted
But looks like you just made up your mind, blindly as you just want things to be repeated
Even though it's a circle of being cheated by the one
you promise to love their inner most


*Pic Courtesy: Pinterest 

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