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2 AM Morning : Haunted Thoughts

I hear a howl Look out the window Find a shadow that calls Close my eyes shut Stay steady Breathing heavy.. Trying to flee while the howling haunts Gathered courage Starting to walk into the dark Where all things except you talk It's like the trees are staring down And the roads push you backwards So no matter how much forward you go You find yourself back at the same place Am I even walking right ? Your heart beats louder than the noiseless night Some car screeches at the background Echoing through the vacuum Is someone hurt ? There are looks in the dark That only books have spoken about There are looks behind you That only sniffing can rat you out The thought of being followed The thought of seeing the shadow of someone you don't want to.. Keep looking Don't be afraid Says the mind While your heart keeps saying Go home, and stay blind throughout the rest of tonight.. Speak to no one until asked Coz weak is never alone to be tasked The door closes on you Wondering why it c

The Birthday Dress

" Mommy I like the yellow stars on this one !!" , 
says a little girl at the store as she tries on each dress  walking elegantly in front of her mom and the mom thinking my baby needs to get stronger to fight this world before she breaks free and realizes the world is a big trash can of not so fun people but hard to tell easy observations..before she looses her faith..

Still remembering the day my daughter came into existence , when I held her in my arms I stared at her as long as I could because there she was as of yesterday very much inside me and here she is out in my palm as a midget giving me creeps of what will be the best way to protect her keeping her warm and safe so that she still feels that her surrounding is covered with her mom's protective hidden cloak.
Its' not just me .. all the mothers feel the same way as I did that night because from that very moment onwards a mother tries to prepare her little girl for the journey she has signed up for by coming into this world.

Though her mother will try her best to be around her all the time but for the days when she fails her baby is well prepared for the odds and evens planning her way out from the dark woods fighting witches and befriending dwarfs accepting failure and yet getting motivated to win the battle of life.

My mother till this day keeps her worries on me and it feels like an invisible energy floating around me giving me the strength that I can rely on being safe and confident as if creating a recurring playlist on my mind which plays all day long singing 
"Nothing Can Go Wrong ...You Are Your Mommy's Champ ..." 
    works best when the road is bumpy or you have been betrayed while swinging your way from the trust lane to the go to hell lane ..but no matter what it works wonders like the tinker bell always buzzing on your ear and pulling you over when the path gets dusty...or you are drowsy..

On my birthdays there was a ritual which I followed spiritually through my spirits which goes like when it was  exactly a month for my birthday I used to make the day relevant for every one who came close to me during  that particular time frame making them feel obliged to get me a gift without fail.Maybe it was a childish attempt  to seek attention from all the people I came across in my life and now it gives me chuckles when I think of the people I approached and requested for gifts..

Accompanying my mother to an expensive store in town to get the dress which expressed her love towards her daughter growing all the more since the day I was born.She considers me her lucky charm because after my birth she started her career as a teacher full time.She is the eldest one in her family taking care of her younger siblings ,helping her parents through regular obstacles, struggling her way to become someone who is independent are the things she fought for and till date they all look up to her for advise , suggestions and comfort.
Being the first one has its perks and sacrifices where she didn't have much fun on her birthdays and somewhere she felt a passionate drive when she saw her daughter all dolled up wishing for the stars while she made all the attempts to fulfill the wishes without fail.

There were times when her salary wasn't in yet for the month and I would be worried to go about buying the dress to fit into the budget but that never stopped her against pushing me to get the prettiest one as she ended up finalizing the dress which had made her daughter's eyes twinkle comforting me with a solution which obviously when I think about now was just a delusion .

After I moved out from my home town and started working had tons of birthday celebrations with friends, co-workers, strangers ...had enough funds to buy my own birthday dress but when I walked into the store my eyes used to search for the look from my mother when I wore the dresses jumping around her giggling as her eyes sparkled sometimes giving me her hidden smile hoping not to jinx her daughter's happiness.

My heart still ponders for those eyes filled with pride and caressing touch settling my hair giving me the confidence of achieving the impossible.

It's not about the dress or the store and you know that.Mother's have their charm to please you even by the slightest attempt they make which miraculously works best for all of us .
For parents a child's birthday is the day they felt responsible for another living being who is very much a part of their own skull and to whatever they become in the long run they will watch out for him/her to combat and fight for their baby till their last breathe.

Birthdays spent with them as a child where one of my treasured moments and the dresses I wore were the prettiest ones I will ever have.
Most importantly the beautiful reflection of my childhood looking into the mirror while wearing those dresses will forever be close to my heart as I am never going to relive those days any more..
So all you kids out there striving your way to take a plunge into the world  to explore the thrills remember one thing you are never going to experience the same birthday innocence and those true wishes leaning your way once you leave your parents abode..


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